Bubbles, Pranks and Very Strange Fruit
by PassionFlower
Summary: Lily hates James. James loves his 'ickle' pumpkin. Amidst the bubbles, pranks and strange fruit, they might just get together. If it wasn't for that large, invisible llama...
1. Gullible Fools and Idiots

Disclaimer: Harry Potter dances away from my belongings... In other words, most of it dances towards JK Rowling... Oh the humiliation! #cries#  
  
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Lily Evans was a pretty girl. She had sparkling bright green eyes and long auburn red hair that was straight down to her shoulders and curly down to her ribs. She had an oval shaped face, a round nose and long eyelashes. Her lips were a deep cherry red colour and she had a few freckles scattered around on her nose like someone had flicked a paintbrush in her face.  
  
Humming quietly, she walked happily down towards Platform 9 and ¾. To anyone watching, she looked like a very normal girl. But Lily was far from normal. She was a witch, and a clever one at that.  
  
As she walked, she became aware of an odd sensation down the back of her neck. Turning quickly she found herself staring into the grinning face of Sirius Black.  
  
"Pumpkin," he cried happily, "Did you miss me?"  
  
"No," she muttered angrily, desperately trying to wriggle from his grip, "Let me go Black!"  
  
"Now pumpkin, The Nile is not just a river in Egypt,"  
  
"I'm warning you. LET.ME.GO!"  
  
"Not until you say you love me. Or are you saving that till you see James?"  
  
Or at least that was what he was trying to say. Soon getting bored of being held against her will Lily did the only thing she could think of. She kicked him in the balls.  
  
"Owwww!" he groaned, rolling on the floor.  
  
"Go away Black. You're depriving some poor village of its idiot." She said loudly, giving him one last kick, she stalked away.  
  
"I have three words!" he shouted at her retreating back. "ANGER. MANAGEMENT!"  
  
"That's two words," said a smiling Remus Lupin.  
  
"Moony! Where did you come from?"  
  
"My dad's car," he answered, holding out his hand for his friends to grab.  
  
"Thanks," Brushing himself off he asked, "Where's Prongs?"  
  
"Behind you," Moony said, smirking slightly.  
  
"PRONGSEY!" he yelled, spinning round, only to find, for the second time that day, he was on the ground.  
  
Looking up he saw his two friends clinging to each other laughing.  
  
"Oh ha ha guys, VERY funny,"  
  
"Well...we...we," said James, spluttering with laughter, "Thought it was!" With a huge grin on his face he mimed falling over. They burst into another fit of giggles.  
  
"Oh quick, pass me a needle and thread, my sides have split," Sirius said sarcastically.  
  
He was far from happy when a sniggering Remus thrust a needle and thread towards him.  
  
........................................................................................................................................................................ Feeling quite proud of herself, Lily lifted up her trunk and carried it into an empty compartment. Pulling out a book she let herself relax into the chair. She was not happy when two loud boys interrupted her peace.  
  
"PUMPKIN!" shouted Sirius and James together.  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you? Don't call me PUMPKIN!"  
  
"Okay Pumpkin,"  
  
"GRRRR!"  
  
........................................................................................................................................................................  
  
"Where is she?" moaned Penny  
  
"Dunno," replied Maddie, poking her head into another compartment. "Not that one," she said, hastily pulling her head out.  
  
"Why, what's in there?"  
  
Maddie made kissing noises.  
  
"Maybe Lily and James have finally got their act together?"  
  
"Doubt it," said a voice behind them.  
  
"REMUS!" they exclaimed, turning round to hug him.  
  
Remus was their favourite member of The Marauders. James was good-looking but was a bit arrogant. Sirius was gorgeous and funny but still rather bigheaded. Peter Pettigrew was short and fat, nobody really noticed him.  
  
"Have you seen Lily?"  
  
"I think James and Sirius went to find her. Where they are, she'll be."  
  
Suddenly, there was a loud bang that shook the entire train.  
  
"POTTER!"  
  
The three smiled at each other. "I think we found them,"  
  
Four doors down a scared James came shooting out of the compartment.  
  
"She's going to kill me!" he hissed, hiding behind his friends. "Save me!"  
  
"POTTER!"  
  
"Uh-oh!" he yelped, before running off again.  
  
A blur of red flashed past nearly knocking Remus, Penny and Maddy over.  
  
"She's fast," said Penny, running a hand through her wind swept hair.  
  
The other two nodded in agreement.  
  
........................................................................................................................................................................  
  
"So then this girl says' Oh my... you are so beautiful' and I'm like 'thanks' then she's all..."  
  
Maddy rolled her eyes. What a girl... Honestly, does he think we care?  
  
She was brought out of her train of thought by a slight nudge in her ribs. She glared at Penny. Her friend smirked and picked up a chocolate frog, lifting her arms slightly she chucked it quickly at Sirius's head.  
  
"And then I said... OW!" he rubbed his forehead, "Who chucked that?"  
  
Penny grinned before pointing at Maddy.  
  
"Me?" she said incredulously, "It was not me!"  
  
But Sirius wasn't listening; he stood up and began moving towards her. Suddenly, he dived on her and began tickling her.  
  
"ARRRGGGHH!" she squealed, "STO...ST...STOP!"  
  
"Let her go Padfoot," said Remus sternly, helping Penny off the floor.  
  
For a few minutes nobody spoke. The only noise was the sound of Sirius rooting through the pile of food on his lap.  
  
I wonder where Lily and James are? Thought Penny.  
  
"I don't know," Remus answered.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"You wanted to know where Lily and James are," he explained, "I said I didn't know."  
  
Still slightly startled, she nodded then looked out the window.  
  
"I know where they are," announced Sirius. "Listen,"  
  
Sure enough, in the distance they could hear a faint scream that was getting louder and louder and louder and louder.  
  
"POTTER!"  
  
"That's them,"  
  
"It's a tense match here today on the Hogwart's Express," commentated Sirius. "Here comes Prongs looking very tired,"  
  
"Help...me. Please, she's crazy! I've been chased everywhere. No matter where I hide she finds me and... oomph!"  
  
"A spectacular tackle from Pumpkin there..."  
  
"Do you want to be next?" asked Lily sweetly, while beating the crap out of James.  
  
"No," he said hastily.  
  
"Then SHUT UP!"  
  
........................................................................................................................................................................  
  
A bloodied up James sat sniffling in the corner of the compartment. They had managed to rescue him while Lily had him in a headlock.  
  
"Err... Lily?" asked Maddy cautiously, "What did James do exactly?"  
  
"WHAT DID HE DO?! WHAT DID HE DO!" she fumed, "HE TRIED TO FEEL ME UP!"  
  
"I apologised," he said quietly.  
  
"IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE! I HATE YOU!"  
  
"Lily... I'm sorry,"  
  
She looked at him. He really did look sorry.  
  
"Ok... apology accepted,"  
  
There was an awkward silence, which was only interrupted when the food cart came round.  
  
......................................................................................................................................................  
  
"Pumpkin, will you go out with me?" James asked Lily sweetly, batting his eyelashes.  
  
Lily looked at him with great dislike, "No."  
  
You do realise James, that every year since third year, you've been asking her that like three times a week. And I think you know what the answer is by now."  
  
"Yup... no, no, no, no!"  
  
"Evans," said James seriously, "Why won't you go out with me?"  
  
She murmured something incoherent about egotistical jerks and bigheaded idiots.  
  
"Look me in the eye and say it," he said firmly.  
  
Lily was fuming. How dare he... He thought that SHE liked HIM. That was the final straw.  
  
"Why?" she snarled, "I'll tell you why you are the biggest, most annoying prat I have ever met. You are so bloody ignorant AND arrogant! You keep messing up your stupid hair because you think it looks cool and windswept. You show off, you hurt and humiliate innocent people just for your own freakin' entertainment! On top of that all, you use girls! It's the matter of snog and dump, isn't Potter?! Isn't it?!"  
  
With one final screech she stormed out the compartment. Slightly startled, her two friends followed.  
  
Everyone's mouths were open.  
  
"Well, I'm glad she let all that out," said Remus uncomfortably, "I think you got your answer Prongs,"  
  
"Is that really what she thinks of me?" he asked frowning.  
  
"Yup... if you want her, you're going to have to change. Lily isn't like other girls. She won't fall at your feet with a chat-up line."  
  
"Sirius... be normal!"  
  
"There was a farmer who had a dog and Bingo was his name-o..." he sang brightly.  
  
"That's better!"  
  
........................................................................................................................................................................  
  
Slumping down against the wall, Lily put her head in her hands and cried.  
  
"LILY...LILY!" her friends shouted.  
  
"LILY EVANS, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE NOW!" yelled Penny, "LILY... oh, oh Lily," she said gently, crouching down next to the sobbing girl.  
  
"Oh Lily," muttered Maddy, sliding down to her friend, "What's the matter?"  
  
"Potter," she choked, "He is such an egotistical idiot!"  
  
"Oh sweetie... we know that, he knows that, EVERYONE knows that," said Maddy  
  
"Take no notice of him," said Penny.  
  
"Thanks guys," she said smiling slightly.  
  
"Want to the birdie dance?"  
  
Without waiting for an answer Penny pulled them both up and began singing.  
  
"Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na"  
  
Giggling the whole way the girls made their way back to the compartment.  
  
........................................................................................................................................................................  
  
"Lets play sardines!" said Sirius.  
  
"Err, sure," said Penny, glancing around at the rest of the compartment.  
  
"How do you play?" he asked enthusiastically.  
  
A collective groan rang around the small room. Sighing, Lily explained the rules.  
  
"So..." said Sirius after a few minutes, "One person hides and everyone else has to find them. If you find the person hiding, you hide with them."  
  
"Right..." she said nodding.  
  
"Won't they get a bit squashed?" asked James.  
  
"That's the point!"  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"Who's hiding?"  
  
........................................................................................................................................................................  
  
"Stupid people... unfair rules... outnumbered... out to get me," Lily grumbled.  
  
Turning a corner Lily had a flash of inspiration.  
  
"The girls toilets!"  
  
Shuffling in she shut the door.  
  
It wasn't long before she heard the quiet voice of Penny.  
  
"She could be in the toilets... That is where she'd usually hide. What have I got to lose?" Pulling open the door she peered in.  
  
Dragging her friend in she shot her a smile "Hey Penny ...you're the first to find me."  
  
"Great hiding place," she whispered.  
  
"I can hear you..." sang Maddy who was apparently outside the door.  
  
"BOO!" she said jumping in.  
  
"CLOSE THE DOOR!" hissed Penny yanking her friend's arm.  
  
"No need to get violent," she said, hitting her friend round the head.  
  
"When you're feeling sad and blue, I will come to help you..." crooned Maddy.  
  
"SHHHHH!" hissed Penny, making a fair bit of noise herself.  
  
The door opened again. This time it was Remus.  
  
"Hey girls...," said Remus, grinning, "I could hear you at the other end of the corridor!"  
  
"Idiots," muttered Lily, slapping her friends round the head.  
  
"Remus..." a voice cried, "Why are you going in the girls toilets?"  
  
"'Cause we're playing Sardines," he replied.  
  
"You mean the girls are in there?"  
  
"Well, no " said Remus sarcastically, "I just come into girls toilets for the fun of it,"

"Oh Remus, I never knew!" said James dramatically.  
  
"James...it's a GIRLS bathroom!" said Sirius, horrified.  
  
He did a double take, "Oh my God... it IS a girls bathroom," he said faintly.  
  
"WELL DONE CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!" the girls yelled.  
  
"Get in here," said Remus.  
  
"We can't... it's for girls!"  
  
"Then why aren't you in here?"  
  
It took a few minutes for it to register in their minds that it was an insult.  
  
"HEY!"  
  
"Come in guys," coaxed Lily, "There are loads of pretty girls in here. Swimming and sunbathing topless..."  
  
They needed no further encouragement and excitedly ran in.  
  
"Hey... where are all the girls and the girls and the... girls?"  
  
"Hey Sirius... the word gullible has been taken out of the dictionary."  
  
"Really?" he said frowning, "Why?"  
  
But no one could answer because they were laughing too much.  
  
"Why was it taken out the dictionary? Why...?"  
  
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Hey everyone,  
  
Don't worry, the story will soon pick up and it will get funnier.  
  
Please review; I love getting reviews! PassionFlower xxxxx


	2. Pass It On Personal Questions

Disclaimer: Harry Potter dances away from my belongings... In other words, most of it dances towards JK Rowling... Oh the humiliation! #cries#  
  
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... ............................................................................................................  
  
"Why is the sky blue?" asked Sirius, staring up at the clouds.  
  
"How the hell should I know?" replied Lily grumpily.  
  
"Fine. Why is the grass green?"  
  
"Do I look like God or something?"  
  
Sirius looked at Lily. "You're girl, you're supposed to know these things!"  
  
"Retard."  
  
"I'm not retarded, I'm special."  
  
"Yeah you're special all right. SPECIAL IN THE HEAD!"  
  
To avoid an argument escalating, Penny told the boys they had to get out.  
  
"Why?!" they asked.  
  
"'Cause we need to get changed,"  
  
"Can't we stay and watch?" asked Sirius cheekily.  
  
"Yeah," added James, "And besides, I quite like what pumpkins wearing at the moment." He wiggled his eyebrows.  
  
Lily blushed. She was wearing a pair of black trousers and a white tank top;

her hair cascaded down her back like blood on snow.  
  
"Come on guys...OUT!"  
  
........................................................................................................................................................................  
  
"I'm bored..." whined Sirius, "Make something fun happen,"  
  
"Exploding snap?"  
  
"Sure..."  
  
................................................  
  
"I win..." gloated Lily, laughing at the singed eyebrows of The Marauders.  
  
"Yeah, yeah... no need to boast," muttered James, gathering the pack together, "Another game?"  
  
"Hey, did you all hear about those missing kids. Their parents are distraught."  
  
"Bet it was Voldemort," spat James bitterly.  
  
There was a tense silence in the compartment which was only broken when Sirius asked where Wormtail was.  
  
"I don't know. I didn't see him all through the summer."  
  
"Yeah, where is he? He's usually hovering around congratulating me for breathing..."  
  
They all snorted.  
  
"Where's Maddy and Penny? They went to find the food cart ages ago!"  
  
"Speak of the devil..." murmured James.  
  
"LILY!" screeched Penny, "MADDY'S GOT A BOYFRIEND!"  
  
"Oh my God!" screamed Lily, jumping up and dancing around with her friends.  
  
"Mental..." whispered James.  
  
"Definitely," replied Sirius.  
  
.......................................................................................................................................................  
  
At last, the train began to slow down and they heard the usual racket up and down it as everyone scrambled to get their luggage

and pets assembled, ready to get off. They shuffled out of the compartment feeling the first sting of the night air on their faces.

Jostled by the crowd, the six made their way down the platform.  
  
"Come on guys," said Maddy grabbing Lily and Penny's sleeves. "We've got to get a good carriage,"  
  
"But the Marauders...?" protested Penny.  
  
"Already gone, now COME ON!"  
  
......................................................................................................................................................  
  
"Oh great, they're all filled up," said Penny grumpily.  
  
"What was wrong with the on we just passed?"  
  
"Did you want to sit with Diggory?"  
  
"Pumpkin!" cried a loud voice, "Come sit with us!"  
  
They turned to the source of the noise. Shrugging at each other, Penny and Maddy scrambled into the carriage leaving Lily behind.  
  
"Umm guys?" asked Lily, peering through the glass, "Where do I sit?"  
  
"On Jamie's knee!" sang Sirius.  
  
She backed away waving her hands.  
  
"Come on Lily," said Penny impatiently, "Do you want to sit with Diggory?"  
  
Shaking her head, she climbed onto to James's lap.  
  
"Aah," sighed James contentedly, he pulled the small body closer to his chest.  
  
"Don't push your luck Potter." Growled Lily.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
................................................................................................................................................  
  
There was a certain lack of Slytherins when they entered the hall.  
  
"Where are they all?"  
  
"Probably at a Death Eater meeting." Grumbled James before moving off down the table.  
  
The Sorting had just finished and Dumbledore had already stood and given his speech. "Without further ado, I bring to you... Food!"  
  
But instead of the tables filling with delicious food like usual, the tables stayed quite empty.  
  
"What the...?" someone yelled as a loud rumbling filled the hall. Suddenly, there was a crack of thunder and sweets began falling from the ceiling. There were squeals of delight as hundreds of Wizard and Muggle sweets showered down on them. That is, all except the Slytherins who were diving under the table as a dark rain cloud poured cow dung on them.  
  
"Potter!" yelled Lily.  
  
"What you gonna do Pumpkin? Give me a detention?" he asked cheekily. Lily was friends with the Head Girl, Jasmine.  
  
"Just be glad I like chocolate." She said with a grin before dancing off to her friends.  
  
..............................................................................................................................................  
  
It was late; all of the Gryffindors were in bed. That is all except –  
  
"So who are you going out with?" asked Lily, nibbling on a Sugar Quill.  
  
"I can't believe you didn't ask earlier." Said Maddy, tentatively reaching into a pack of Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans.  
  
"So who?" she said excitedly as she leaned closer.  
  
"Jamie Brown!"  
  
Lily screamed. "Really?! What happened, did he ask you?"  
  
"Well, me and Penny were just loading up on stuff from the food cart. I had rather a lot in my arms, so when he wasn't looking I dropped it on the floor."  
  
Lily let out a laugh, typical Maddy.  
  
"Yeah and then he goes 'Hey babe, wanna be my girl?" Lily grimaced. "Babe?!"  
  
Maddy wrinkled her nose. "Yeah I know but... Anyway, he brought me a load of chocolate and stuff, which is where." She said, gesturing to the pile in front of her, "All this came from."  
  
"Really, so then what did... oh sugar, who the hell is that?" Lily asked, covering her ears.  
  
"Umm, that would be Sirius."  
  
Suddenly, the portrait door opened and in stepped James, Sirius, Remus, Peter and Penny, each with a small pile of food and drink in their arms.  
  
"Snack time!" cried Penny, as she flung her share onto the rug and settled next to Lily on the armchair.  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes which was only interrupted when Sirius started singing again.  
  
"There was a bird..."  
  
"Oh no Sirius." Groaned James, "Not that bloody song again?!"  
  
He glared at James. "Ahem. There was a bird, with a yellow bill, he landed on, my window sill, I coaxed him in, with a plate of chilli, then I chopped off, his little..."  
  
Remus clamped his hand over his mouth before he could say the last word. "Not in front of the ladies Sirius, not in front of the ladies."  
  
......................................................................................................................................................  
  
James entered the Great Hall with feeling of relish. He looked around the Gryffindor table and found what he was looking for. Red hair.  
  
"PUMPKIN!" he yelped before flinging himself on Lily.  
  
"Arrrgggh, Potter, get OFF!"  
  
Smiling he kissed her quickly on the cheek then scooted down the benches towards his fellow Marauders.  
  
"POTTER!" she screeched.  
  
"Leave it Lily, don't blow off at him. It's exactly what he wants."  
  
"So..." asked Maddy, "What do we have first?"  
  
"Charms,"  
  
"Pumpkin..." asked James, sidling up to Lily, his friends behind him. "Will you go out with me?"  
  
"I believe the answer will be no.," said Penny logically.  
  
Then the bell rang and they got ready for class. ......................................................................................................................................................  
  
"Silenco!"  
  
"Silencia!"  
  
"Silenci!"  
  
"It's 'Silencio' "cried Professor Flitwick despairingly as he rushed around the classroom.  
  
James turned and stared intently as Lily charmed her frog to stop croaking.  
  
"Turn around." She said coldly.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Girl talk." Replied Penny.  
  
"Tell me, I'm a girl!"  
  
The girls snorted.  
  
"You wouldn't want to know." Said Maddy as she successfully charmed her owl to stop hooting. "I mean what do boys talk about? Orgies?"  
  
They sniggered at the thought.  
  
Frowning, he turned back to his friends.  
  
Suddenly, Lily got an idea. "Hey Potter. Do you wear a bra?"  
  
James looked taken aback, horrified, shocked, mortified, scared, freaked out for only a second. Then his face changed into a grin and said, "Yup!"  
  
"What size?"  
  
"32z. I have to have my bra's specially made because I'm that big!"  
  
"Do you shave?"  
  
"Everyday."  
  
"Do you get your period?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
Maddy and Penny put their heads onto the table and laughed.  
  
"Pads or tampons?"  
  
"Tampons." He replied, his voice faking dignity.  
  
"Mini or super?"  
  
"MEGA!"  
  
Lily giggled. "Potter, you've been hit by the Pass-It-On-Personal- Questions. It is your turn to ask the same ones to somebody else."  
  
"Ok." Said James with a smile.  
  
Then the bell rang and they went to their next lesson, DADA.  
  
.......................................................................................................................................................  
  
"Sirius. Where are you going?" called James.  
  
"Downstairs, I just need to find someone."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Err, umm, Snape. Err yeah umm, Snape!"  
  
And with that, he walked off.  
  
"Well Remus... looks like we're left with the girls!" he said, stretching his arms above his head before slowly wrapping one round Lily.  
  
"Get off me Potter."  
  
"Sorry."  
  
The five walked in silence for a few minutes until –  
  
"What's this?" asked James, grabbing a small blue book from Lily's arms.  
  
"Give it back now!"  
  
"No, I don't think I will."  
  
Lily growled. "GIVE.IT.BACK.NOW!"  
  
"Nope. I'm going to read it."  
  
"GIVE IT BACK!" screamed Lily, fighting back tears.  
  
With a quick smirk, James flicked the first page open.  
  
"Hem, hem. This belongs to...aaah, Lily... calm down!" he yelped as Lily wrestled him to the ground in a bid to save her diary.  
  
"Give it here!"  
  
"Lily, eurk. Gerroff, oh!"  
  
Lily grabbed his wand and to Penny, but she missed and it went sailing down the stairs right onto –  
  
"Ow... bloody hell. What was that for?" shouted a rather annoyed looking Sirius.  
  
They ignored him. "My wand Lily? Why my wand?" cried James despairingly.  
  
It was at that moment that the diary slipped out of James's grasp and fell down the stairs. Lily paled.  
  
"Crap!"  
  
"Are you trying to give me concussion?" asked Sirius, rubbing his forehead.  
  
"YOU IDIOT!" shouted Lily as she flung her hands round James's neck.  
  
"Ow- Lily- Ow- Get- Off- I need- To- Breath!"  
  
With a little help from his friends (AN. sings "I get by with a little help from my friends...") James managed to pry Lily off him. He quickly shot off to retrieve his wand.  
  
Still fuming about her diary, Lily failed to notice the excited crowd of second years getting closer, and closer, and closer until...  
  
"LILY!"  
  
The force of the 12 year olds had caused Lily to lose her balance and fall over the railings.  
  
"Don't worry Lily. I'll catch you." Cried James, circling desperately underneath, his arms outstretched.  
  
This of course, only made Lily scream louder.  
  
BANG  
  
Lily landed in James's arms but James lost his balance and crashed to the ground  
  
"Ouch." Said Sirius with a wince. "That's got to hurt."  
  
........................................................................................................................................................................  
  
Hey everyone!  
  
This is probably my favourite story that I've written. Even though it hasn't got as many reviews as Days of Graduation or Changing Hermione, I still like it.  
  
Maybe it's the fact that it only has a few chapters...?  
  
PassionFlower  
  
xxxxxx


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